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The Pop-Philosophy of Bean Newton
by E.W. Wilder

In this fragment, Bean Newton is shown attempting to deal with a popular culture slipping quickly out of his grasp. By 1998, in his late twenties, Newton began feeling the irrelevancy of anyone over 25 in American culture.

His reaction is typical: philosophize, or at least link the dissolution he was feeling back to a real (or possibly imagined) mid-to-late 20th Century philosophical movement through the lens of a real (or possibly imagined) set of childhood experiences.

It is not known if he ever finished this poem.

 

A Phenomenology of Glue
by Bean Newton

1. Remember when you were young and you’d coat your fingers in Elmer’s then pull it off when it had become semi-dried, as if you were pulling off skin?

2. The passage to Sinaloa is in the very hotel. For $40 I will show you.

3. In my attempt to super-glue my car’s dash back together, I accidentally created a vortex in the space-time continuum. Now my car radio only gets broadcasts of The Green Hornet from the 1940s.

4. It’s not that bad, really–sort of like a sourdough roll.

5. Or maybe a Kaiser.

6. Super-glue, according to recent legend, was originally designed as a quick and easy way to glue wounds back together during combat.

7. For the record, this is what Vietnam has given us: a. inexpensive night-vision goggles
  b. super-glue
  c. an aversion to the visible aspects of war.

8. Wood glue is a decent substitute for good carpentry.

9. This is true largely because of Britney Spears and other recent simulacra.

10. See also simu-lycra.

11. The authentic is, invariably, dissatisfying.

12. First, it isn’t in Dolby.

13. Velcro is just variably-activated glue.