Modest
Steps Toward a Comprehensive Plan for a Positive Development in the Holy
Land
By Tal R. Bab-El
It is the opinion of this writer that previous attempts to bring progress
to the Holy Land have been hampered by a common problem among those
steeped in the combined noxious brew of leftist politics and diplomatic
predispositions: appeasement.
It should be noted that the following is not a proposal that advocates
wide-scale movements of men and matériel ala the Second World
War; rather the suggestion is more in line with the current understanding
of contemporary economics and free-market dynamics generally. As long
as proposals regarding the Holy Land are still hidebound in the old-fashioned
and outmoded notions of “ethnicity” and “the nation
state” they are doomed to fail. Only when free market principles
are brought to bear can solutions become viable, as the economies of
the Western World and some key ones in Asia have, since the 1980s, come
to accept.
We must begin by assuming that the real value in Israel/Palestine lies
not in its natural resources. It has no oil to speak of and only meager
and hardscrabble farmland. Iraq and Iran are much more fertile, both
literally and figuratively, and Saudi Arabia, the other barren locale
of great religious importance in the region, is blessed with massive
reserves of the proverbial Black Gold. Instead, all the Holy Land has
to offer is prodigious history and religious significance. There are
only way two ways to arbitrage those properties into profit. One is
through occupation and a blackmail/geographical hostage situation—ransoming
tracts of religiously significant land to the three major monotheistic
religions. This method may be dismissed as being overly risky, as the
desperate faithful might be encouraged to damage valuable property in
an effort to save it, thus making the possibility of further profits
slim.
The second scheme seems more acceptable, and has, in fact, been attempted
in a sort of limited way in the past. I'm talking, of course, about
tourism. Past schemes to re-create the Holy Land as a tourist destination
have been, problematically, far too limited. Attempting to sell the
destination piecemeal, as, say, a Wailing Wall appealing to Jewish customers,
an Al-Aqsa Mosque to Muslim touristas, and a Church of the Holy Sepulcher
to Christian consumers, diffuses the brand and only serves to water-down
the actual product line. This lack of a cohesive Holy Land corporate
structure also spreads responsibility around to the degree that it disappears
entirely. The state of the physical value units has, therefore, been
seriously degraded over the years, despite an arid climate otherwise
conducive to ease-of-maintenance.
The Wailing Wall/Temple Mount structure is a case in point. While Muslim
attempts to make it an upscale experience are notable, with its gold-tone
dome on the Al Aqsa Mosque, the structure itself is pushing 1300 years
of age and is in need of contemporary refurbishing. A much more agreeable
experience for all visitors would involve free wi-fi, select food and
beverage franchisees (Starbuck's and McDonald's seem perfectly poised
to fill this position), and, perhaps, an air-conditioned superstructure
boasting casino-style games and a modern arcade. The Wailing Wall product
is in terrible condition, being, quite literally, just a shred of a
shell of its former self. Plans should include a total replacement of
all the soiled and possibly dangerously unstable bricks. Colored lighting
and holographic depictions of the lives of King David, King Solomon,
Jacob, and other notables could be projected in 3D on the updated wall,
turning the experience from one of mere sorrow at past diaspora into
the more salable upbeat, charismatic, concert-type experience.
Likewise, the Via Dolorosa is, by its very title, a down-beat experience.
So-called “Passion Porn” as depicted in Mel Gibson's The
Passion of the Christ has its place, but people quickly tire of
being constantly reminded of even the most redemptive of deicides. Instead,
the Via Dolorosa should be rechristened the Jesus Trail, along with
national-park-like scenic overlooks, hiking outfitters, and designated
camping areas. The Stations of the Cross should be replaced with the
Hydration Stations of Christ, or perhaps Charging Stations of the Cross
for Holy Land branded cell phones and laptop computers.
Bethlehem is, as an entire town, in serious need of a makeover, and
celebrity specialists like Ty Pennington could be brought in especially
for this purpose to bring publicity to the project and crossover corporate
sponsorship synergy. Its resurrection could be as a Christmas-themed
destination of “living-history lite,” celebrating the most
positive (and lucrative) of seasons with a minimum of boring informational
intrusion. This would, in turn, extend holiday shopping essentially
indefinitely, bringing, finally, the kingdom of consumption to an otherwise
struggling retail sector.
The latter and even the former two examples imply a certain problem
with what is being suggested, which is no less than a geographically
one-to-one scale, utterly authentic, Holy Land theme park: what to do
about the current employees. Clearly, they have been underperforming,
and not just in the recent past. For more than 2,000 years, both management
and labor on the first phase of the Holy Land project have been wracked
with disagreements; self-imposed, ideology-based restrictions on progress
and development; and literal infighting. While these may not present
as problems when found in corporate boardrooms, they are positive anathema
when it comes to the rank and file. That is why the annexation agreement
for what we may call the second phase of the Holy Land--Holy Land 2.0,
if you will--must accompany the immediate termination of the old project's
current staff. Useful “types” to person authentic displays
of period scene—goatherds and olive-pickers, perhaps—may
be rehired on a case-by-case basis, as long as they pass extensive and
rigorous background checks and sign legally binding agreements not to
interfere with, and even to assist when possible, Holy Land 2.0's future
clientèle. Hooka-smoking idlers in marketplaces should be replaced
with smartly-dressed sales associates trained at a specially designed
corporate facility, and irascible Israeli “settlers” should
be replaced with more period-correct fishermen and carpenters. Militants
of all sorts would be strictly forbidden except when being portrayed
by trained reinactors, say, in the form of Roman soldiers here re-visioned
as kindly guides and helpers along the Jesus Trail.
There may be initial resistance to this plan, but key investors are
sure to get behind the annexation when revenue streams are considered.
With more than a billion potential clients consisting of adherents to
the three major monotheistic religions, and with multiple visits a likelihood
given Holy Land 2.0's more stable and user-friendly status, profits
are not just assured but doubtlessly enduring. Like any great desert
tourist destination, Las Vegas makes a useful comparison, interest will
wane if new products are not continually introduced. There is no reason
that Holy Land 2.0 need be tied to its particular past, however divinely
inspired. Cathedrals to Latter Day Saints could be added in order to
attract Mormons, and once a free-floating holiness-image is achieved,
re-creations of Buddhist, Hindu, Shinto, and Jain sacred places could
be laid in alongside existing structures.
After all, with the right corporate vision, the very heavens are an
easily attainable goal, and certainly no limit.
