So Long. . .
There is a point when researching Bean Newton's work, noticed by other
scholars as well, at which one is overcome by a bit of existential
Nausea. It becomes a problem during especially trying months like
November and February, but is, to a greater or lesser extent, a testament
to Newton's success - or it might just be the lingering effects of dry
cleaning fumes from the place next door.
The following, from the same cycle that brought us the Treatise
on Disney, personalizes the existential in a way of which only
Newton was capable.
by Bean Newton
I exist as pond scum.
My cracker exists as pond scum.
My mouse, he too, exists as pond scum.
My car is pond scum in a hard sense.
Weve eaten off of pond scum in our picnics.
Dining alone on pond scum gravy, I wash it down with pond scum swill.
Pond scum sings America.
It is the thrush at the center of the pond, singing.
It is the shadow of the wing of the owl over America,
faint in the cloud-filtered moonlight.
It is the scum beneath the wheels.
Take care, for you tread on my scum.
It is the Tantalus of the Modern Age;
slapped back by the happy motion of the water,
it, too, will never reach his goal
of world domination. I take issue
with pond scum. You should at least try, pond scum. James Bond, I implore,
would be useless against you. Nothing, I say, nothing Q
could ever dream up would eliminate you. Youd never fall prey to revealing
your secrets right before you disposed of Bond and Pussy Galore, because
you have no brain. Pond scum
has no brain. Is not inebriated
by power or money or fame
or a gold Lexus or a Movado watch
with new and improved scratch-resistant crystal.
Pond scum seeks world domination because pond scum seeks justice.
Only when the least of us can be the most shall we see (thru) the Kingdom
And pond scum am that alpha and omega.
Myths about pond scum persist.
1). Q: How can it be alive when it just lies there?
A: Well, what about the plants? What about bacteria? Surely
pond scum is the match of these!
2). Q: How does it remain so green?
A: Space-Age polymers.
3). Q: When do I need to file for an extension on my tax return?
A: Pond scum has no need for taxes, for
it has created a classless society. While you all are peddling Crack
to feed the babies, pond scum is living the dream on easy pond.
To understand this is to see the oneness of all things.
It is to be transformed in the ever-glowing grace of pond scum.
It is to be liberated into everlasting life, to receive all-knowingness
in the scum of holiness.
Rise, take up your mat and scum no more.
Here endeth the lesson.