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The Top 20 Reasons to Use (More) Microsoft Products
by Charles V. Gustavsen

20. You lie awake in bed at night worrying about how poor Bill is going to get his kids through college.

19. You've heard so much about Melissa and Code Red that you just have to see them for yourself.

18. You're addicted to the thrill of danger you feel when you read through the license agreement to find out just what you've agreed to by opening the shrink wrap.

17. You love all of Microsoft's cool new "innovations," like the graphical user interface & the Internet.

16. You've always rooted for Sauron & Darth Vader.

15. You can't figure out how on earth you're going to fill up your new 80 G hard drive.

14. There are other companies that make software?

13. You thought the license for your existing Microsoft products required that you only use only Microsoft products.

12. You heard Microsoft Word had a new Auto-term-paper feature.

11. Late at night you talk to the little paperclip.

10. You think standing out from the crowd is too "worldly."

9. You've got to upgrade to the next version of MS-Office because you've become bored with the placement of menu items on the old version and you want to play "Where-Did-They-Hide-it-This-Time?"

8. You think you can't use Word Perfect because you don't know where to find things in the menus.

7. Because self-mutilation is so last-year.

6. You think free software is a Communist plot to "...sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

5. You always keep the pictures of somebody else's family that come with picture frames because it's too much trouble to change it for one of your own.

4. You're afraid of hurting Steve Ballmer's feelings.

3. Buying software is a good way to launder ill-gotten cash.

2. Because if you never had to reboot anymore, when would you ever get a coffee break?

1. All your friends are jumping off bridges, too.