GO HOME UNTIL YOU HAVE BRAIN CELLS

Melissa Thompson

Issue 8 * Spring 2002

1.

unfortunate uncommon unsuccessful inadequate uncertain
discontented unexpected unpleasant irresponsible unnecessary
nonessential impassable infrequent unconcerned immovable
illegible inconceivable impractical dissimilar unreliable
noncommercial ineffective      

do you have dandruff or is that dead skin?

 

2.

unreliable
drugs/opium
decoration of the bedroom
can't remember her last name
final scene=orgasm/death

overfed - oversexed - overhear - over here

how can unfortunate people just be so accepting?
primitive people don't ask "what is the meaning of life?"
they just live.

fancy-man
enough!

 

3.

DAISY MUST HAVE HER PUDDING.

"Say, Mag, I'm stuck on yer shape."

 

4.

Q. Why does she have such long arms?
A. So she can milk cows and kiss at the same time.

2 glasses of water=1 glass of water=1 kid

chicks more curvy skullwise
bury coffin handles with the bones
bye bye, mr. gigantopithecus

 

5.

WHORES HIT BY JELLY: HALLOWEEN DISASTER

HaPPy Monkeys On Extra Prozac
Horny Platypi Pimp Midgets Occasionally Earning Pennies
(holocene - pliesto - plio - mio - olig - eocene - paleo)

dock-workin' chick
go-go dancer takes her lion dog for a walk on a windy day

WE EVOLVED FROM COFFEE MUGS.

104: What do you want us to do? Die.

"You're as sensitive as a shovel."
"Not so hasty, my young friend. No one escapes his destiny."
"You can't run from me anymore than you can run from yourself."
"I venture that we've never smelled the morning as a gorilla does."

 

6.

shaving leads to gunplay
do you need a spanking?

"If it wasn't for your soul, no one would want you around."
that Cleopatra woman=big whore
the confounded woman died
"Advil won't cure the pain in your soul."

whoosh! empty sound
Darth Vader breath
struck her - she wanted it, crawl and laugh
(I wish I could sleep in several different rooms at once.)

 

7.

Oedipus and the Dead Pigeon

blood dripping
you hussy
Quint laughing
THUNK
he hurt things.
(this is not the Barbie font.)

 

8.

"settling an old score" by beheading parking meters
Donald Duck sounds
Mermaid tattoo
Shoot the goose
Halo/sun effect of Breath Assure guy
"I'm gonna sit here next to my boy."

the bitch don't recognize the pups
she just don't give a damn

it was as if torture was her delight

 

9.

kinda, but not really, about 41%

and confines you; it's what they have in power

if the powers are even and odd, the fun is neither

joy=under supper learned LP, met a girl who thinks like so

I serve as bond because I serve as prize of game.

 

10.

Society turns us into a frog.

 

11.

Reaffirming Masculinity (or Hyper-heterosexuality) at the Village Inn

"Almost any tranquilizer might calm her down . . . but at her age, estrogen may be what she really needs."

I must relinquish my claim on women.

"She's only four weeks old. She doesn't need a boyfriend."

(girls kept away from society - boys encouraged to burn it)

 

12.

walking in flowing clouds of pain
you wore your jacket to the zoo
and I'm left wondering if it was a premonition
that told me that my structure would catch fire
and merely smoulder with an u
the british are so awfully nice

laugh you would think
that adam would know

it says something about society
when pretty girls don't answer to "honey"

laugh you would think
that adam would know

joy = 4 door supper learning lips
met a girl who thinks like so
I'm going to kill us all
four is the least resistance
not an upper bound, not an upper bound

 

13.

put it out of sight when not in use
make sure it's large enough
don't pass anything around
make sure you interact with it
rehearse with it

 

14.

Bruises: how to get them, why to get them, how to get rid of them
Escaping Pocahantas: The Bulimic Who Refused to Purge
Froissart: Aristocratic Snob
Swedish Disco: Woohoo!
Drunk Boys Watching Football: All Like Love
"I give her a kiss; she cook me dinner."
Looking for "Rough Trade" homosexuals?

 

15.

Life is like a Barbie game: patterns exist and only basic words may be altered.

 

16.

The Big Fight

Starring Elvis Presley as Othello?
Girls! Girls! Girls! (Well, one!)
Desdemona = Ann-Margret
Iago = Danny Kaye

Original Score composed by Elvis and Hammerstein, featuring the hit songs "Oopsie, Where's My Hankey?", "Hate Makes the World Go Round," "Who Stabbed the Gov?", and "Guaranteed Sex Night: The Honeymoon"

In Dutch with yellow subtitles

"You can be as clever as you want, but be careful . . ."

 

17.

Morticia Addams as the ideal woman? Gloombunny?

TB is natural, but it's not good.

Big eyes and no hair,
baby, who's been crying lips

Show your excellence in household chores, chickypooh.

My role is to sit here and look pretty.

 

18.

love theme for the infirmed; by unknown boy with vaguely pretty handwriting

bleeding head girl
banana dyke bitch
find me a Kate Moss sound bite
let me sleep
bleeding head girl
banana dyke bitch

dancing with myself
happy at the simple noodles
i hate work
i hate school
i hate moving
i am just bitter
at the world of losers

 

19.

MAKE THE LULLABIES STOP - "lots of good feelings"

my cute kitten rolls
in mounds of tissues and such
bet she'll catch my cold

 

20.

fighting about Tom Cruise, height, and neatness
(hey, you're 75% vowel and I'm 20% vowel: shouldn't we be 95%ing somewhere?)
Emily Dickinson was a hummingbird.
"I was a desk, registering either for school or a hotel room."
Weltschmerzen and travel brochures and those boys in Hanover.

 

21.

Q: What makes Beowulf drink?
A: Thirst.

Only one more shopping day until death.

Julia Child vs. Julia Roberts
literature is meat stew (and you, my baby, are just the icing on the fish)

 

22.

we're gonna get tired
give me a grade and let me go
sir gawain is hot-blooded
check it and see

do you have a stapler?
yes, and I have an oozi
and a car jack

I don't know what bellboys do, but you want them on your side.

 

23.

(prose so cute it makes you itch all over)

"If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me."