The Christian
Way of Brushing Your Teeth
by Francine DuBois
For the prophet of porn, Mrs. H.H.
Using her "What Would Jesus Do?" toothbrush,
Angelina rubbed the bristles against her teeth,
Faintly enjoying the taste of blood.
These precious 2.5 minutes before her 10 o’clock bedtime
Had become Angelina’s time for spiritual reflection.
"What would Jesus do if his gums bled?" she asked
Her youth pastor the next day. "See a dentist,
I suppose." That was yesterday though.
Tonight she pondered Jesus some more
And decided that yes, she would have slept with him
If she met him backstage at that Judas Priest concert
Two weeks ago. She heard a rumor he was back there,
Smoking pot with the boys, highering his consciousness.
"What would Jesus do if he met me backstage
And was high?" She patted her firm stomach, looking
In the mirror with a toothbrush hanging out
Of her frothy mouth. "And what would Jesus do afterwards?
Forgive me and fall asleep." She spat and rinsed,
Considering John the Baptist and holiness,
Madonna (both of them) and spandex, all in one instant.
She suddenly felt very tired and ready for bed.
Francine's Version -- Hezekiah's Version -- Inspiration
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