It all started when I met Dr. Pete.
I didn't know he was a doctor; all I knew was that he was a shy guy with a big cranium. So one night my husband and I went to a friend's shindig and there he was, milling about, looking but not saying anything.
That's when I pounced.
I tend to prey on shy boys. It's fun to find out about them, ask them questions, pay an unusual amount of attention to the way they speak and see if they squirm. Is it sadistic or just a way to rip open their shell of shyness? Pete took the whole thing just fine, and that's how I found out that he was a doctor.
Dr. Pete's profession seems especially interesting. I'm not really into it as much as my husband (mostly because I hate math), but how often does one meet a nice, well-mannered, articulate, cultured, well-traveled doctor with great tastes in movies and furniture and isn't gay or an asshole?
So after much thinking and consultation with the webmistress, I decided to start a project about post modernism and science. I thought I would interview not only doctor Pete, but also another friend doctor Jerry, and call it "How Po-mo Are Smart People, Understanding Post-Modernism Through Science" but then it morphed. As I started coming up with questions I realized that I shouldn't limit myself to just the scientific fields. I realized that we needed someone to be the shining beacon for these dark, modern times. As I scratched my Buridian's Ass, the project grew teeth, legs and arms and turned into "Your 2004 Post-Modern Prom King: The Search for the Post Modern Poster Boy."
Let's meet our contestants.
Dr. Pete: the physics guy working with
his zany accelerator
Marty: the average guy workin' hard
and keepin' it real
Matthews: "technician"
Doug: the self-proclaimed sexy gymnast
Randy: the oldest in the bunch and certainly
the only one with a firm grasp on post-modernism
In order to judge who would be the best King I interviewed all five candidates with the same 30 questions. The first nine questions determine how post-modernism has affected the candidate's life. The final 21 questions were asked to provide a sense of who the candidate is and how po-mo they really are. Now the real work begins; deciding on a King will be difficult and we need your help. Read the interviews and help us crown the winner. (Note: you'll notice there are no pictures -- this serves to keep this all intellectual and not slip into judgments based on physical appearance.)
Editors' Note: The 2004 Prom King was announced at the 11th Annual Postmodern Village/EastWesterly Review Conference. Dr. Pete won the tight race against Marty and wore his crown proudly. Upon learning of her nomination and subsequent win of 2004 Prom Queen, Norma Perfect spouted a lot of things about patriarchy we don't remember. We had consumed a lot of wine by that point. The always-sober(ing) Mittens DuBois-Dugan, one of three Prom Princesses, danced with King Dr. Pete to the prom theme song, "America is Not the World" by Morrissey, on Ms. Perfect's behalf.