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Postmodern Village
est. 1999
e-mail * terms * privacy
Why I Like Recess
by Bean Newton

E.W. Wilder's Foreword: A New Eclecticism

1. Because it would occur like clockwork: the inevitable machinations of the cosmos, a sun orbiting galactic center.

2. Because the grass, when parched, smelled nice.

3. Because Jeff J. and I had a TARDIS in the disguise of an old plastic barrel. The primitive indigenous population of whatever planet we would alight upon would rudely commandeer our craft at each the end of every episode and fill it full of their basketballs.

4. It never rained, as I remember.

5. It was sometimes too hot; it was rarely too scary.

6. The blond brick of which the building was constructed had begun to come uncemented. We could hide treasures behind loose bricks.

7. I like pancakes.

8. Because the airplanes, unencumbered by the laws of physics, would hang there, white or blue or olive-drab, as they floated into McConnell AFB.

9. Because war machines were still a romance.

10. Because the water from the fountain was so cold.

11. Because, as a child, you are still immune from a society that values only size.

12. Because of red, blue, green, the oxidized black of the steel jungle-gym; because of dangerous toys and denuded tetherball poles.

13. Because worry was so frequent I had no chance to notice.

14. Because, at my old school, my friend Dan and I, along with Matt H. and Matt I., managed to pull one of those tetherball poles out of the ground -great wad of concrete anchor and all. It was like a weapon-if only we could've wielded it.

15. Because with monkish devotion I studied the Three Boys: Abercrombie, Bartholomew, Christopher.

16. Because the carpet in the library was blue and smelled like urine.

17. Because Lisa Legg., my 6th grade teacher, was the first woman I ever had a crush on.

18. Because 15 years later, I'm sure she's still appropriately named.

19. Because I could indulge my intellect without the dizzying blur of mathematics. This would be my only chance to do so.

20. Because this was the first time I was misinterpreted.

21. Because of clover, hard-packed ground, dew.

22. Because introspection is not egomania.

23. Because posters of the cosmos lack depth.

24. Because of bad hair.

25. Because I knew what "cum" was, but was still shocked when those girls did, pretending as they were with the vanilla pudding.

26. Girls aren't supposed to know about that in the 6th grade.

27. Because, at 11 years of age, I was already washed up.

28. Because of bleached blonds, platinum blonds, dirty blonds, Victoria H. and Vanessa P.; admiring women is not a crime.

29. Because I could sit and stare for hours and still get good grades.

30. Because of fruit roll-ups.

31. Because of clouds, the Brandenburg Concerti.

32. Because my erasable pens gave off fumes, something like ammonia, something like napthelene, and slowly destroyed my ability to imagine.

33. The proper way to rid yourself of an Arcturan 7-Eyed Beast is to throw dynamite straight down his gullet. The shrapnel is much like spring rain except for the bits of silicated bone.

34. Because quiet was quiet, dark was dark.

35. Because there was no such thing as Jury Duty.

36. Because I was soon to fly to Frankfurt, Germany, and be whisked on a three-week tour of Western Europe and two nations behind the Iron Curtain.

37. Because along the rural road where I lived you could find the occasional Playboy, defenestrated from a pickup truck by a guilty redneck, caught philandering with his fist.

38. Because of Cheetos, Fritos, Doritos, and all the other Os.

39. Because my mother, to save her life, cannot cook beef.

Porch, Chair
18 Sides Monster Cream Wagon
Big M
Bean: Naked