Redactivity Cured My Cold
by Bean Newton
an eyewitness account by Ron Cornpone
I was down by the septic lagoon anglin' for some carp when I seen this great big ol' ball of fire come
shootin' up over Bobby-Shane's old Maverick, you know, the one with the white vinyl top and the one
mag wheel? You know, the one what don't run. Right, the one with the tree growing up through it, not the
other one what don't run.
Anyways, I seen this big ol' ball of fire and it's all green-like and yella and I called onto my ol' lady in
the trailer, I called into her, and I says "Precious! Precious! Come out here'n looka' this!"
And by then, why it come up and grab'd me, the ol' ball o' fire did, and it sting me somethin' awful and
by the time my ol' Precious come out the trailer it'd up'd and gone and left me all down on the ground
betwixt the old beer bottles and car parts and whatnot.
It was right over there by the ol' broke down mowers where it happened and my old lady come out and
says "Ronay!" She says, "I hain't seen you thet white since our weddin' night at the chapel of Elvis!" And
I guess I coulda' been a little drunk too.
But I had a colt the night a'fore, you know, all snifflin' and bleary-eyed and suchlike and a pretty
miserable time of it too if I do say so.
But anyways, I got up'n stumbled back into the trailer and all the way my old lady proppin' me up cuz I
felt like I'd'a liked to'a died and there we was in the middle of the carpet by the dinette set that we won at
the drawing over to the Dollar General and my head kinda' starts to clear up and I starts ta' feel fine, and I
tells my Precious, I says, "Darlin', you ain't gonna' believe what jest happened to me, but whatever it was,
it cured my colt."